You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
