porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize