Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
