i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
