my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
