i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
