am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
