Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
