so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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