forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
