Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
