Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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