Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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