YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
