I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
