I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
