Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize