Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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