He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
