It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
