my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
