meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
