I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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