wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just gargled with NyQuil
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
