We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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