There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
