Jerry, you need to find god
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
do nipples grow back?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
