I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize