It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
