you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
