He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
