I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize