ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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