how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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