Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
