dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
