And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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