i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
