Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We left the knife in your bed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
