i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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