So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
