Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
