Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
