dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
