We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize