Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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