If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
