drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
