Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
