I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
