I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
