weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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