She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
