I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
