I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
