I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
