i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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