had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
