she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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