i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
