Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Randomize
