The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A+ Viking dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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