I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
