Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
