but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
